In a strange sense, I feel like I’m preparing for something. I spend a lot of time alone, very little social interaction – isolated from the constant deluge of stimulation and media saturation. I’m left alone in my thoughts, in my being.
And I do it to myself.
And there’s an almost constant sense in me of, I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not supposed to be down there either, but I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be somewhere. Elsewhere. Yet, only recently have I begun to accept and embrace the possibility that I truly am supposed to be here. For if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t be.
But I am.
The distractions, the noise, the static, the relationships from the past, most of which were based on toxic and flawed foundations, would have continued. I would not have been able to see them for what they were. The true essence of man that surrounded me would have continued to be masked by a show or a band or a story or the news or an event or a relationship or a girl or a guy or a lie or the tv or a film or some form of numbing deceit…adding layer upon layer on top of the only thing that truly exists. Layers that you’d eventually have to dig through. One after another after another.
And hence, the cycle would just propagate itself.
Is it easy? Of course not. But it’s not supposed to be. Is it valuable? Absolutely. For understanding what you are capable of and what you are not, is necessary if you pursue a life of being.
So it was necessary, necessary to step away from it all, and be away from it all, and be. Just marinate in being. Feel everything. Allow yourself to feel everything. Allow it to take hold of you. And then allow it to release you. However many times it needs to.
It was necessary in order to understand that the way it was and the way it seemed, is not necessarily the way it will be. It was necessary to begin to understand yourself at your core in order to understand how that core fits into greater moment.
Limitations are a gift. Limitations realized are a blessing. Knowing that those limitations are preparation for limitless expansion is the ultimate prize.
For without those gifts and blessings, you would never know where you stand. Where you should be.
So yes, I’m preparing for something. The only question is…
…what?
